Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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