if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
