Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
