Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
