fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
