my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
