Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
