I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
