I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
