I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
