There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize