I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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