So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there was a trapeze. enough said
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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