The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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