My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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