What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
