I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
