Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I love having hate sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
