We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
