The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize