I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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