So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
