All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize