I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
