is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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