4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How external is "for external use only"?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
