We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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