I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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