this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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