i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
