shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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