i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
