I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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