having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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