i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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