if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
