Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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