i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize