Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
