you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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