Soap is not a condiment
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
