he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
