this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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