he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
