I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
