hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
