Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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