Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
