Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
