I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
