The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
