I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
