Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
