whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
