You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize