i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
