Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
