Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
pop tarts are not kleenex
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
