I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
