They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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