I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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