On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
