I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
