I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
