There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize