I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
