I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
