so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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