Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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